Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
