Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
