Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
