A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
