and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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