I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
