Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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