who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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