Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
