omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
