You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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