Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pants are for mortals
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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