I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
