Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
