His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
