This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
