He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
