Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
