I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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