the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
