Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
