We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
