Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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