I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
