are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The adults are the big ones right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
