just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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