I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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