i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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