I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we have officially lost it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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