Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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