there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
