I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
