You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
