I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
