i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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