Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
