super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
