dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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