So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
