6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
