In America we eat man semen.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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