I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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