don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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