He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
