Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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