his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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