the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
