So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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