I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
