he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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