My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
