i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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