I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
